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Thursday, August 14, 2014

woman, when all things can be so complicated

I got a lot of interesting conversation-sessions with an amAZing person lately. It's about LIFE and LOVE.

Interesting topics, I must admit.

I have changed my mindset about life and love, lately. I used to think, that happiness comes from PEOPLE AROUND ME. Without realizing, that it's me myself who responsible for my own happiness. It doesn't depend on people, people !

I will share my opinion from my point of view. Well, this will be a very long posting as I love to write a lot !

I was born in a very traditional chinese family. So more or less, their mindset influenced me a lot. And their definition of HAPPINESS is not very simple. Happiness is making other people happy, and expecting to get back happiness from them. This is a typical chinese way of thinking. By 'sacrificing' our happiness to others, it's our happiness. Without realizing, this way of thinking can be a big boomerang for ourselves.
We do everything for their happiness, and we expect them to make us happy -because we have made them happy. And if they don't make us happy, we will end up suffering and very very sad.

As a woman who always complicates everything in her mind, I was there ! Some people were expecting lots from people they love. Let's said, if you love and care about them, you need to call or text them very often.
1. just to make sure that they are safe
2. just to hear their voice
3. just to make sure they will think of you
So your expectation will become.... they will do the same thing to you. Or even more.

Ok, I admit.... I was there. And I was end up very sad and suffer when I din't get the feedback as I had expected. And it's no point if I try hard to CHANGE them. Because I will end up more sad and suffer. When you try to change someone, admit it that you also put some expectations. Right ?

So, I try to change my mindset. I don't low my expectation. But I put NO expectations. AT ALL. I care, I give my attentions, I make time for them, I try to make them happy, without any expectations of get all the feedbacks. And I make sure that I'm doing all of this HAPPILY.
And yes, I feel happier. Even more.

I can say, if you don't expect any birthday gift, you won't feel sad if in the end you got nothing. And you will feel VERY SPECIAL when you get it. But if you have expected this this this, or that that that in advance ! -the higher your expectation is, whatever others do for you, you will never be happy. You will always complaint. Because you have some expectations from them.

With too many expectations, women can complicate simple stuffs. Between man and woman's relationship, 1 thing you should have to make the relationship work : COMPROMISE.

I can give you an example about compromise-things. Such as Albert and Ivy.
Albert : "Ok honey, I'm still busy. Later I will call you."
1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours no phone call from Albert, so Ivy called.
Ivy : "I believe that you don't love me anymore because you don't call me."
Albert : "Please understand that I'm very busy.... And you can just call me anytime."
Ivy : "Yes but you know, I was waiting for your call."

it will be easier and less complicated if...
Albert : "Ok honey, I'm still busy. Later I will call you."
1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours no phone call from Albert, so Ivy called.
Ivy : "Ok baby, just wanna let you know, I love you."
Albert : "I love you too."

Topic finished. No more arguments. Love is about compromising everything. Just make sure that you can do it, then do it. If one or two sides keep stubborn, I told you.... it will not work.

I can say that compromise is not difficult if you care and love them. Because you're not feel being pushed to do it. EXCEPT..... this compromise-things are beyond your ability.

Women always feel more insecure than men. Even small stuff such as he called them by their names, and not calling them 'sweetie or babe' as usual, it can raise their insecurity. Slow down, women. Less your expectation a bit. Just relax and make this relationship works.

to be continued

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