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Monday, October 20, 2014

breathe


A very good friend of mine sent this to me. Well, it's true. Through the hard times, just breathe.... remember that I've been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared. But I've survived ! Thanks, buddy !

But I really can't count my blessing. It's just too much. I'm so blessed. Once my mom ever told me, "Don't put your hope to a man whom you love more. Give a chance to a man who loves you more. Because he will put your happiness in above of everything."
I ignored her. I walked with my own path. I entertained man whom didn't deserve. I went for romance because I wanted romance. And it ended up with huge disappointment. Can't describe how huge it was.

Romance will fade one day. And my mom was right. Once I had ignored a man who had claimed to me that he loved me a lot. It was the day I walked in other direction. And I was suffering because of my own ego. I was suffering because for compensation, I must worked too hard for someone I love, alone. He didn't even fight for me. He didn't even love me. All he's doing was sit back, relax, let me profess my love, provide everything to profess my love, and some words that I want to hear. I can say that men are expert of this. And I was suffering. Because  I want a commitment, monogamous relationship. But I had lowered my standard, I dealed with people who didn't deserve, I danced with an evil....

Steve Harvey ever noted in his book. A man who truly loves you will do 3 things : profess his love for you publicly, protect you by any means necessary, and provide for you, no matterif it's means there's nothing left for himself. He will not spend his money on trifling things and come to you with WHAT'S LEFT. He will not selfishly give you a little cut and take the rest for himself. If he's a real man, he will always sacrifice buying something for himself until he's fulfilled his responsibility to provide for you - which is showing his genuine love for his woman.

A man who is buying baubles and trinkets but refuses to give you what you really want -a true, monogamous, loving relationship, however.... is simply USING you. His sponsorship package may make you feel grateful to be with him, but really, YOU'RE BEING PLAYED. He's buying your kindness, your sex, your love, your affection, your devotion - a cool place to chill out and escape when he's facing problems with his wife or his girlfriend.

He reels you in by telling you he's with you because he can find peace in your arms. But you're not finding any peace.

Your job is to make clear what you want, and let him know that the true gift he can give - it's not material. It's true love. If he can't give that to you, then walk away. Do you understand what I'm saying here ? Walk. Away.

You've got to be willing to do this to get what you want. Don't be scared, if this man is giving you ONLY the material things, leave him and open yourself up to someone better - the guy who is willing to do what it takes to keep you.

I had realized that after I had passed all of this thunderstorm, I lowered my ego. There's no such thing called romance. All this lovey-dovey things were bullshits. Except from the one who had professed his love to me since 10 years ago. And he's loving me still. After all of this thunderstorm. Even I had nothing. Even I failed and lost everything. He's standing still to comfort me and raise me up.

Once again, my mom was right. I was the one who ignored this man. Who's standing there. Faithfully. Wait for me. Love me. Listen to me. And propose me with his open arms even I had hurt him by running in other direction. And he loved my son more than anything. And years are coming, but he's still there. His heart didn't change. Once he told me that I should value myself more, because I'm worth to fight for. He valued myself and put me in his highest priority. He didn't underestimate and never judge me. He loved me and he proved it.

Although I can provide myself, protect myself, but it's cute when he gave his everything to win my heart, fight for me, do everything to make me happy, give me a big share (or even all !) of his favourite food -because he knows I love to eat that food too, cook for me when I was totally sick, bring my son to school, and even after I had hurt him a lot, he's still faithfully waiting for me. I was there ! Same as him ! But for the other guy. The other guy whom didn't even deserve. Huge. HUGE. Disappointment.

Good man gets his reward now for his longterm awaiting.

Thank God, I'm beyond blessed.... Maybe I didn't get any romance, but I get peace. I didn't have any butterflies in my stomach with him, but I feel secure with him. I didn't need to worry for someone far away who will sweeten up words to hide the truth to comfort me. I didn't need to worry for a selfish guy who wants many women to satisfy him. I didn't need to worry for a sugar daddy for his justice to keep me among other of his women. WHY I SHOULD LOWER MY STANDARDS FOR MAN WHO DOESN'T DESERVE ?

Breathe. I'm not investing. I'm giving. And I will give it to someone who deserves.

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